heartbreak, step one

as i mentioned earlier, me and my ex boyfriend (we’ll call him /a, just to keep his and my identity a secret) broke up in july of 2016, after dating for a year and a half. i know its not that long, but it was my first long term relationship.

and let me tell you,

heartbreak fucking sucks. that’s all there is to it.

one day you’re happy. you feel like you can run everywhere you go, and you hang out with your friends all day every day. you go out to dinner and order yourself a 3 course meal just for the hell of it (bread sticks AND fettuccini alfredo AND brownie cake? i ordered it before you could finish reading it.) you forget that theres something missing in your life until your friend subtly brings up how happy she is that you left the guy.

and then it hits you

that meal you ate 2 hours ago? forget about it. you threw it up before you had the opportunity to really enjoy it. the plans you made with your friends for tomorrow? cancelled; laying in bed crying sounds more fun than ever. everything you had planned for yourself to do in the upcoming days? ha, you wish.

Day by day it seems to get worse… and worse…. and worse…. until you can’t take it anymore and you go to pick up the phone…

Whatever you do, no matter how bad you want to don’t. Pick. Up. That. Phone. Walk away. Save yourself now; picking up the phone won’t help.

“I still want to be friends” is bullshit. You know it and he knows it. “Just being friends” with your ex is like referring to your dad’s second ex wife as mom, even though you never see her anymore.

The best (and only way) to heal from heartbreak is to just let the pain run its course. It might only take a couple days or weeks, or it might take a couple months to even a year. Don’t throw yourself back into something that’s over. If it ended once, it will end again.

(I haven’t learned any of the last couple paragraphs yet. i still talk to my ex every day and we hang out and as bad of a decision as i know it is, i can’t help myself. i’m a hypocrite and i’m going to hell but if i get to be friends with /a i don’t care.)

healing from a broken heart takes a long time. it might take you a couple days or weeks, it might take you several months, maybe a year, maybe more. healing time is subjective. just know that eventually it will get better (after a lot of crying and ice cream.)




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